Do you want deeper more meaningful relationships? Start with the one between YOU & YOU.

It’s one thing to say you love yourself, but do you ACT like someone who loves themself?

My Higher Self, Michelle has taught me that we can only love another as a reflection of our love of self, so until you do your relationships will not flourish, and in some cases may even feel “toxic" as a call inward to see and feel what is off.

ALL relationships are mirrors. I can instantly sense a women’s level of self-love by the way she talks about and treats her spouse, kids, family, friends and coworkers. Also what she says about food, exercise, and money.

If she speaks with ease and joy, noticing the blessings in each, she loves herself. It’s less about self-care and more about the quality of the relationship between your inner coach and your inner critic. If that inner, subconscious relationship is loving and balanced, a woman’s outer world will align to match it.

It’s so easy. Show me a woman who thinks she has the best husband, kids, mom, and sister ever, and she has found that deep well of unconditional love within herself. She thinks they are amazing not because they are perfect, but because she loves herself unconditionally. That’s how you get to the point of loving others without conditions.

And THAT is true freedom.

Many of us are waiting to reward ourselves with love when we get something “right,” or many things “right,” but perfection is not real, and “Right” is her twin sister. Society and media tell us we should have our lives to a point that someone can look at us and say “she sure has it all together.” But self-love is the precursor to anyone ever thinking that about us because all they see is our light. They don’t know the struggles intimately like we do. They don’t know the deep recesses of our soul we ironed out. 

They only see light or the absence of it.

When you love yourself unconditionally, you see your imperfections as paths to awakening and opening that led to more love. Pain breaks us open so more love can flow in.

It’s just a temporary high though. Love from another cannot bring us to a state of permanent love, it can only offer itself as a frequency to shoot for. Love from others doesn’t fit our specific receptors. It will never be “quite right.” It can validate, speak kindly, offer assistance, and fill our cups for a moment, but we will always eventually find something wrong with it.

The love language quiz heightened our awareness there. Now we can’t even receive the love someone offers unless they are speaking our “love language.” They need to reshape themselves to fit what we need.

The love receptor inside each woman is like an old secret keyhole. We are taught growing up that someone else has the key, but in reality, the key is the well of unconditional love that you can learn to activate and flow within you at any moment, regardless of age, financial status, or circumstances.

This well of unconditional, universal love can only be accessed through our STILLNESS.

Today’s hustle culture prevents so many women from even beginning the journey, let alone arriving at the source of the spring.

It is not a long path, it is a deep one.

I have a well in my yard. I can walk all over our 2.5 acres and NEVER find the well. That’s what looking outside of yourself is like. You will never find it.

So how DO you find this place within you so you can begin to love yourself and transform your relationships?

1. Cut out distractions that numb such as social media, TV, busy work, and alcohol
2. Be still long enough to lose your current sense of self 
3. Feel ALL the feelings that emerge on the way so that you can digest them
4. Forgive yourself and all others as you begin to realize the wholeness and oneness of all that happened
5. Return to a state of awe and innocence, where your own signature can be accessed

The unbecoming is so vitally important. It doesn’t have to take years or be painful, but it does have to occur before you can become the next higher version of yourself.

This journey can be traveled alone, but much like going into a forest you don’t know without a flashlight, map, or guide, you are likely to turn back when it begins to get dark.

…and the darkness is the exact place the healing and transformation occur.

Having a skilled guide to lead you, hold you, and shed light on specific areas of the forest you may miss on your own is of utmost value. It helps you see the journey as beautiful versus scary. And as your resistance melts, so do your heart walls.

…and there, right in the middle of yourself is everything you’ve ever hoped for outside.

No wonder you couldn’t find it.

About the Author

Jamie Dooley is an award-winning international Master Coach, Heart Activator, Spiritual Teacher, and Program Developer. She is the founder of Expansion Group for Women and the National Network of Healthcare Hygienists, and is the author of Self-Coaching Mastery: Win the War Within. Jamie has been a trusted private coach and guide for the past decade and now enjoys teaching the powerful modality she created with her sister, Lisa, the "ADOR'EM Model of Expansion Coaching," inside their Expansion Coach Academy & SisterCoach Collective. She reminds us all that if we are brave enough to be still and drop into our hearts, all of our answers are there, and as we heal ourselves, it is our duty to share what we learn with others.