Rest in Not Knowing

My cousin sent a meme to me a week ago and on it was a picture of a little girl looking at herself as an 80-year-old woman in the mirror.  It read,

“You work 8 hours to live 4,

You work 6 days to enjoy 1,

You work 8 hours to eat in 15 minutes,

You work all year just to take a week or two vacation.

You work all your life to retire in old age,

And contemplate only your last breaths.

Eventually you realize that life is nothing but a parody of

Yourself practicing for your own oblivion.

We have become so accustomed to material and social

Slavery that we no longer see the chains.

Life is a short journey, collect memories, not material things.”

Ironically, I was in the middle of navigating March’s Money Monthly Challenge a few weeks later and was getting “stuck” on Reverse, it was Holy Week, and a Full Moon. I don’t know about you, but Full Moons get my energy way lower than my normal. My kids never sleep well, I don’t sleep well, and I’m also halfway through my third pregnancy (so sleep is cherished more than ever). Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling very Holy during Holy Week and this meme was a direct “mirror moment” of the changes I am making in my life.  

I find that during each pregnancy, I have a higher sense of energy and can literally feel the Universe shifting right under my feet, or maybe it’s my growing belly that is a constant reminder of the changes that are about to occur in more ways than one. It just so happens that during each pregnancy, I also have a shift in my career and this one is no different. The dentist I have worked with for the last decade is retiring and closing his practice. 

To be honest, I am so ready. I’m not saying I will never go back to clinical hygiene, but my higher self has been saying for quite some time that it’s time to let go. I am excited to move into teaching in higher education, advise students during their research, and somehow combine interprofessional oncology avenues (this is the hard part I’m leaving up to the Universe). 

But this also puts my feet in two different places…how much should I take on? How much is too much? As a natural do-er, I have a hard time finding the right balance between taking action on my own, and letting the Universe and God take care of things for me. If I completely let go, will anything happen, or did I just let an opportunity pass me by? 

As I think about my emotions during the money challenge and how I spend my time, it felt good to acknowledge that I know I am moving my career in the right direction, but I was still tying money to my own personal career success (or what I was thinking of as lack thereof according to my own personal timeline). During a Full Moon week, these thoughts get louder than usual. I tried my go-to journaling, and meditation, and even did my own burning ceremony, but I knew deep down I still wasn’t fully released from my thought loop yet. One thing I am proud of myself for (thanks to being coached and being a SisterCoach™), is letting myself experience these emotions fully, start looking at them from an objective point of view, and just sit in them for a bit versus coming up with an immediate fix or game plan. I’ve gotten so good at being!

To really get over my hump, I scheduled a call with a SisterCoach (thanks, Tonya!). I needed a little guidance to fill my energy back up, feel all the little tingles during a private session, and really allow myself to feel free of the overly masculine, achievement-driven pressures that only I place on myself in hitting my career benchmarks. I left feeling calm, settled, and content. My “homework” was to be open to people and opportunities as they come, release the tight grip of expectations and simply allow myself to do a whole lot of nothing…a nice shift from my usual personal assignments. 

On a bit of a side note, I am big into journaling, and I’ve been doing so for about the last 10 years now. This may sound weird, but I enjoy going back and reading my thoughts of the day, it’s sort of morphed into a gratitude journal, a documentation of my kids growing up, and it’s been rewarding to see how much I have grown as a person. This electronic journal entry is no different. This is mostly a reminder to myself to come back and read that yes, whatever feelings of angst of the unknown, that this too shall pass. You don’t have to have everything figured out.  Don’t forget the excitement in that! In the middle of the storm, God promises a rainbow at the end. There is no need to demand answers for how everything will all turn out. Besides, nobody likes a “know-it-all” anyways and that doesn’t give my 80-year-old self a very exciting stash of memories to share someday. 

About the Author

Megan Reutter is a Certified Expansion Coach and member of our SisterCoach Collective. As an achievement-driven woman, she earned her doctorate degree by age 30 and wondered, "Now what?" She had been doing personal development but was struggling to break through imposter syndrome, and feel joy. After working privately with The Sister Coaches, she felt more balanced and purposeful and had a career breakthrough she could not have planned herself. She learned that NOT knowing leads to miracles, and enrolled in SisterCoach Training to learn how to guide others within like Jamie and Lisa do. Megan now offers private sessions to women who are struggling with balance and alignment like she was, and loves connecting them to their hearts, and the magic that awaits there. Connect with her at [email protected]